


Just Can't Say No To You

by imnotmadeofeyes



Category: Bandom, Of Mice & Men (Band)
Genre: 5+1, 5+1 Fic, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kinda Au-ish, Kissing, M/M, Oblivious, Smut, austin pov, missunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1460122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotmadeofeyes/pseuds/imnotmadeofeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started off with an innocent little make-out between best friends and ended up being so much more than that.</p><p>5 times Austin and Alan kissed and it wasn't supposed to change anything and 1 time they kissed to change it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Can't Say No To You

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god what did I do? I don't know. I always wanted to write a 5+1 fic because I think they're really really awesome and then this idea popped up in my head and it got kind of really badly out of hand. Well, it's got angst and fluff and smut in the end so yay. Also there's Tino/Austin bromance because they're kinda awesome together. As bros. Not like Austin/Alan. But yeah whatever. I hope you enjoy this, feedback is appreciated :)

**5 times Austin and Alan kissed without feelings and that 1 time they did with**

 

5.

It’s the first party Austin’s allowed to attend after his open heart surgery without having to hold himself back. He’s healthy now, as healthy as any of them. He survived. The doctors said he could live normally now and wouldn’t have to be careful with bass and alcohol anymore just two days ago, and the exhilaration about that still fills his veins. It made a big grin stretching over his features as he entered the house of the party that night, clad in tight-as-they-come black skinny jeans ripped on the knees, a baggy Slipknot tank top and a leather jacket thrown over his shoulder that he shred as soon as he spotted a wardrobe inside.

At his side were, as always, Tino, Phil and Alan, his closest mates. Right then and there he was glad they were with him because as excited as he was, he was still nervous. It’s been almost a year since he’d last been to a party without having to restrain himself.

“You’ll do just fine” Tino was there as soon as the thought crossed Austin’s mind, offering a calming hand to Austin’s back when they faced the crowd. It was no big party, just a house party of the Pierce The Veil guys they were throwing – randomly, obviously. Austin was there barely two minutes and he’d already spotted band members from like six different bands. He could tell tonight would be great.

Austin smiled at his best mate. “Thanks man” he murmured.

“I’m gonna get us beer!” Phil exclaimed, earning cheers from his three band mates. That’s how the night began. Phil got the three of them beer and then they started splitting up, talking to different people. Austin chatted with so many people he hadn’t seen in a while, and the more the evening proceeded, the better he felt. There was a lot of alcohol cursing through his system, but the others weren’t better either. Everyone was drunk, shouting at each other over loud punk and metal flowing out of the awesome sound system that was installed in Mike Fuentes’ house.

Austin honestly hadn’t had that much fun in a long time. He was caught up in conversation with Kellin and Vic – who were plastered all over each other – and didn’t even notice how the night had proceeded. Big parts of the crowd had left, it was after two in the morning, and the party had slowed. There were mostly only Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, and Of Mice & Men in the room plus some girls Austin didn’t recognize. He really couldn’t care less.

That was, until the music was turned down. “You know what?” Justin was jumping into the room like the hyperactive brat he was, shouting so everyone could hear him. “We should all play spin the bottle!” Laughter erupted all over the room, but the thing was that nobody objected. They might be adults and they might be punkrockers, but really, they were just kids with tattoos and guitars, nothing more.

Austin ended up between Tino and Jaime, Phil sitting three to his right and Alan right on the other side of the circle, surrounded by giggling girls. Of course the little redhead would manage to get all the girls. It made Austin chuckle.

The game started. Justin started, and he had to kiss Gabe which lead to cheers all over the room. Gabe then spun and had to kiss Mike, Mike spun and had to kiss some other chick, and so the game proceeded. There were both really manly bro pecks as well as heated make-out sessions – both hetero and homosexual, obviously. Everyone was drunk and generally chilled, so nobody really cared. Quite on the other hand even – when Vic and Kellin made out, they all cheered so much that the two frontmen snogged for about five minutes before breaking apart with huge grins on their faces.

And then, then Kellin’s bottle pointed at Austin. Austin was shocked, but only a little bit. He liked the other male, and if he was into dick, he would probably have the hugest crush on him. Kellin Quinn was an amazing person.

“Aw, come here man!” Kellin grinned widely and kissed Austin deeply. Austin had to grin into the kiss, because it was sloppy and definitely drunk and kind of nice as well. But it was over quickly and didn’t contain any tongue or anything.

“Come on Carlile you can do better!” Vic complained.

Austin laughed. “Wouldn’t wanna make you jealous dude!” And then he spun the bottle. He spun it quickly and it took a long time to come to a halt. And then, then it pointed to the person sitting right in front of him. Alan. Austin’s throat suddenly became too tight and he didn’t even know why. Alan was already grinning at him brightly, and Austin couldn’t help but return it. It was weird somehow, but he didn’t care.

“Make it good, we wanna see a show!” Jaime exclaimed, happily clapping along with the others. Austin blushed. Thankfully, Alan and him were the bestest of friends – nothing would change their friendship, especially not a drunken made-out session over spin the bottle that they probably wouldn’t even remember the next morning.

“Ok come here, ginger princess!” Austin offered, clapping his lap twice. Alan complied easily, straddling the singer and winding his arms around his neck. Austin’s hand lightly rested on Alan’s thighs and he grinned up at him. They were really close already. “Hi” Alan murmured.

“Hi” A low chuckle left Austin’s throat. “You ready?”

“Hell yeah” Alan grinned. Then they pressed their lips together. It was a bit weird at first. Austin was definitely missing the boobs that should right now be pressing into his chest. Also Alan’s lips were lightly chapped and there was stubble biting into his skin, but honestly? He couldn’t care less. Alan tasted like some fruity alcohol and chewing gum and a lot of Alan underneath. Austin grabbed his waist, pulled him closer, angled his head, and deepened the kiss. Alan let out the softest of sounds, his fingers threading through Austin’s hair. Their lips moved together hungrily, and from far away Austin registered the rest of their friends cheering in the background. But it was blurred. Everything except Alan was blurred. It was a damn good kiss.

Austin was the one who first used his tongue. He just let it run over the seam of Alan’s mouth, letting it slip in easily as soon as the plump lips of the guitarist parted. Their tongues slid together like it was the most normal thing to do, dancing and battling for dominance. Austin’s grip was tight on Alan’s hips as they continued to make out, not giving a damn about their audience.

It probably was the best kiss he’d ever had and it actually sent his pulse running away from him and his head spinning. He didn’t know how much time passed before they parted, but when they did, Alan’s face was flushed and his lips were wet and red, swollen obscenely. Austin had registered before that the redhead was attractive, but he’d never thought he could be this hot. A lazy, lopsided fgrin spread over his features.

“Good one Ashby” he said.

“Only the best for the best” Alan wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, sending them both into fits of laughter. It didn’t mean anything, didn’t change anything. It was ok.

 

And it really didn’t. Austin and Alan were still Austin and Alan, even though Alan had slight bruises on his hips later where Austin’s fingers dug in too hard and Austin had scratches on his neck that were bitches for a week. They were still bantering just as much, hanging out like always, being honest with each other like always. Everything was normal, everything was perfectly fine.

Neither of them brought it up anyways, and when others would, they would just joke about it – the others were only jealous because they didn’t get an awesome kiss like Austin and Alan! That was just it. That’s why they weren’t weirded out to still spend a lot of one on one time with each other. It was only natural for the both men to do what all best friends did. And for a few months, everything was as it had been before and nothing else was shared.

That was until they went clubbing alone one night, just the two of them.

“Come on Austin we gotta check out this new club! I heard it’s rad and I don’t wanna turn up there alone!” Alan complained a few days prior. Austin had only rolled his eyes. He wasn’t too big a fan of big clubs – even though this was supposed to be a club that actually played his kind of music and even though it was only three blocks from Alan’s apartment. Yet he couldn’t say no to the puppy dog eyes his friend was throwing at him. Nobody could say no to Alan when he threw them the puppy dog eyes. That was how he ended up going out with his best friend this Friday night even though he was sure that in an hour or two, he would end up alone while Alan was off trying to find a lady for the night.

Austin himself wasn’t too big a fan of random hookups. They were ok enough, but he just didn’t feel like it all that much. But maybe, he thought, maybe he should still try.

“What can I get you?” asked the bartender, a busty blonde. She leaned in closer than necessary and flashed him a suggestive smile. Austin thought she was pretty – tattooed and pierced and really pretty. But he still just smiled at her politely and ordered two strong drinks for Alan and him.

“Dude she was totally trying to hit on you!” Alan pointed out from his side. “You should do something, she’s hot!”

Austin shrugged. “Yeah whatever”

Alan looked at him for a second. “We’ll find you a nice match, boy, just wait and see!”

“Alan!” Austin exclaimed, blushing. Alan laughed and told him he was only joking. That’s when their drinks arrived. They sipped on them and talked. The music was too loud and the air too sticky from all the moving bodies in the room with barely any light. It was awesome, Austin had to admit.

But, just as he’d predicted, only one and a half hours and countless strong drinks later, Alan had left him alone on the dance floor. They had gone there together, drunk enough to not be embarrassed by anything, but Alan had soon become distracted by the girls moving around him and had started dancing with them, flirting shamelessly. Well, as much as you could dance to post-hardcore music.

Austin had lost sight of him eventually. Right now, he was dancing with some hot black haired chick that was so tall she was only half a head smaller than him – he liked tall girls, if he was honest. She was curvy and good enough, his drunken brain decided, and so he danced with her, their bodies moving together to the beat. He wasn’t actually all that much against taking her home with him for a night. She would do, really. Even though, some drunken whisper sounded in the back of his head, her eyes weren’t quite brown enough, her plump lips had too much color and her hair was too dark … but that were details he couldn’t understand and therefore didn’t care about.

Suddenly, just as he was about to press the first kiss to her lips, there were hands on his arm, yanking him away from the girl, and another body pressed up against his own. He startled, looking confused, but when he saw who it was, a slow grin spread on his features. He pulled Alan close to him until they were basically grinding and then bent down to shout into his best friend’s ear.

“What made me deserve this honor, Mr Ashby?” he asked, teasing. He liked the way Alan’s body moved against his own.

“She was all over you” Alan all but growled, and before Austin could proceed what happened, they were kissing. He didn’t know who started it, who connected their lips, but he didn’t really care either. This time, his fingers were in Alan’s hair and he held him close as their tongues and hips rolled together. He didn’t know where it came from, the sudden want coursing through his veins, but he couldn’t care less. The kiss was heated and needy, all teeth and tongue and moving, and Austin couldn’t get enough. They were drunk, and later on Austin would blame it on this.

His hands wandered, through Alan’s hair, over his back and sides, down to his ass. He gave the two firm cheeks a hard squeeze, and swallowed down the moan Alan let out at that. The redhead didn’t stay passive either. His fingers somehow found a way beneath Austin’s shirt, sliding over sweaty tattooed skin, mapping out the unknown territory. All the while, their bodies never stopped moving to the beat. Their hips were joined, grinding against each other, searching for friction they didn’t know they needed.

Countless minutes later, they broke apart sweaty and panting, and Austin’s lips followed the line of Alan’s jaw up to his ear. “Let’s get outta here” he demanded. Alan only grabbed his hand and pulled him out after him. When the cold night air hit them, Austin registered what happened. He was just right now hooking up with his best friend. But in his drunken state, he didn’t find anything that actually spoke against that. They stumbled down the street until they arrived at Alan’s apartment, their fingers still interlaced, but not speaking besides that.

As soon as Alan managed to open the door and they were in the flat, they were all over each other again. Austin pressed Alan against the door, his dick throbbing in his jeans. Alan pulled him close, his mouth attacking Austin’s tattooed neck, leaving all kinds of marks in his wake, Austin returning the favor the best he could. It only turned Austin on more, all the sounds Alan was making and everything Alan was doing, and finally he tugged on the sweat-soaked red locks of his best friend and brought their mouths together again. They kissed hotly, shamelessly, their hands wandering, exploring, never letting the other go.

That was until – “Austin. Austin! Let up”

“What?” Austin stepped back from Alan confusedly. A second ago, he could feel against his thigh how much Alan wanted it. He looked into his best friend’s face, to find it pale, slightly green. He knew Alan was going to be sick before the younger male ran off to the bathroom to retch up all the alcohol he’d drunken last night. Luckily enough for both of them, he still made it to the toilet bowl.

Austin followed Alan, concerned. He found Alan hanging over the toilet, puking. Austin knelt on Alan’s side, ever the concerned friend, and carded his fingers through the red hair, stroke his back until the trembling got back under control. That was way to end of this night, he thought, just a little bit disappointed. But now it was more important to look after his best friend.

“I feel terrible” Alan croaked after a while. Austin got up and wetted a towel, wiped Alan’s face and mouth gently with it.

“Come on, wash your teeth and I’ll bring you to bed” Austin offered softly, helping Alan stand. The redhead brushed his teeth while Austin flushed and cleaned the toilet – he’d seen worse. He didn’t feel all that drunk anymore in this moment, even though he was pretty sure he was still just as intoxicated as he’d been just five minutes earlier.

Alan was obviously exhausted. He leaned on Austin heavily and the taller man literally carried him into the bedroom and laid him onto the bed carefully, getting rid of his shoes and jeans, but leaving his shirt on. Finally, he tucked the guitarist in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Sleep tight, ginger princess” he whispered. But before he could make a move to leave, Alan’s fingers closed around his wrist.

“Stay”

That was all it took for Austin to crawl into bed with his best friend, wrapping his arms around the small frame when Alan cuddled into him. It would be ok.

 

Just, it wasn’t. The next morning, Austin woke up entangled with Alan. He had a massive hangover, but besides the headache, he actually felt comfortable. He could feel the lovebites stinging on his neck and his shirt was clinging to his skin as well as his hair, but he couldn’t care less. He had a beautiful boy in his arms who’d wanted him. For a second, Austin just stared at Alan, watching him sleep on his shoulder. He was really beautiful with his messed up hair, his lips slightly parted …

And then Austin realized who he was thinking about. This was Alan. This was his best friend. He’d almost had sex with his best friend last night. Now, the guilt came. He couldn’t feel any regret because it was really one of the best things he’d experienced in a while. He would really like to do it again, maybe even do it every day. And that was what brought the guilt. He wasn’t supposed to think like this about his best friend. That was all that Alan was: his best friend. And Alan was straight. They were just drunken make-out sessions that shouldn’t be meaning anything. Hell, Austin was straight as well. He had never considered himself bi-curious or anything. He really needed to stop thinking shit like that. He needed to stop doing stuff like that, more importantly.

Austin finally got up and fetched himself a glass of water and painkillers from the kitchen. After he’d swallowed them, he brought some to the bedroom, where Alan was just now awakening. He softly placed the medicine on the bedside table and then sat down on the edge of the bed, watching his best friend waking up, blinking at him confusedly.

“What happened last night?” Alan asked. “I don’t remember everything after we went on the dancefloor, geez. I must’ve been really drunk”

“You were! I had to drag your sorry ass back home and you almost puked all over yourself!” Austin complained. Right then, Austin decided he wouldn’t tell Alan any of this. It was better if he didn’t know.

“Was there anything else?” Alan wondered. His fingers found the spot where Austin had left the most prominent bite mark last night and rubbed over it, wincing slightly.

“Nope, just you were making out with some bitch in the crowd and after I saw how drunk you really were, I brought you home.”

“Oh”

That was it. And it was better this way.

 

 

Except that it totally wasn’t. Austin wouldn’t let it change anything in their dynamic, but he really couldn’t stop thinking about that night. He found himself craving Alan’s touch, wanting to be close to the young man all the time. He found himself getting jealous when he saw him with some chicks at the parties they went to. He found himself dreaming about that night, reliving the night’s actions and then waking up with a hand down his boxers, thrusting helplessly into his fist until he came in his boxers like a pathetic little school boy with a crush.

But that wasn’t everything. Austin started noticing other things about Alan as well. He found out things about the other male’s behavior that he hadn’t seen before. He noticed the way his hair would shine in the sun or in the lights of their stage, he noticed the way his eyes would always glisten like diamonds when he was playing the guitar, being with fans, or performing on stage. He noticed the way one side of his mouth would always lift up just that little bit higher than the other and that there was a tiny dust of freckles over his cheekbones, barely visible. Austin noticed things about his best friend that had always been there but he’d never really registered with this awareness before.

Austin knew the signs. He recognized them from all the times before this had happened to him, but he refused to acknowledge them as what they were. He was definitely not falling for his best friend, he really wasn’t. It was all just because they were on tour now and they were forced to spend every waking minute together – more or less. Without that closeness, nothing would have changed. Austin told himself that and hid his feelings away. To the outside, their relationship was still just the same. They were always within touching distance, always bantering, kind of like an old-married couple.

But in Austin’s head, everything was different.

That was why it all went to hell that one night. Austin hadn’t been sleeping well, and he wasn’t quite eating enough. It was upsetting him, everything that was going on in his mind. All that made the crowd of that night even better. They were going insane. The concert was sold out completely, and there were thousands of people partying with him. Austin couldn’t help but feel better as he was screaming at the top of his lungs, giving his best for these people. Music had always been his way to channel his feelings, and it hadn’t changed at all just because he was a professional now. And he could his worries turn away from him the longer he was on stage.

After all, he was there with the people he loved most: his band mates and his fans. He listened to Aaron singing their lyrics and was once again thankful that they’d managed to find the man to sing for them. He was just amazing. His eyes slid on, watching Phil and Tino play with everything they had. The both of them were just as in love with music as he was. And then, then there was Alan.

To Austin, the on-stage-Alan was the most gorgeous of all the Alans he knew. Alan was sweaty, his white tank top clinging to his pretty pale skin, and his fingers were quickly dancing over his silver guitar. He was a god at playing, really. And the way he was both completely concentrated on what he was doing and throwing bright smiles and shining gazes into the crowd, it was just perfect. Austin couldn’t help the feelings rising in him the longer he was looking at his best friend.

He couldn’t look away, and finally, finally he simply stepped over to Alan, cupped the side of his face just as the guitar solo of him ended, and kissed him desperately right there on stage. He shouldn’t be doing that, he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. The kiss was pretty short so Alan wouldn’t miss any of the stuff he had to play, but it was deep enough to make his pulse flutter. Austin regretted it as soon as he did it, but the crowd went insane.

“THIS IS MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD AND HE’S AWESOME, SO FUCKING GIVE IT UP FOR HIM!” he yelled in his mic, playing it as a stage stunt. That was all it was, he had to tell himself, and everyone surrounding them when they asked. Only an act, something that happened to make their fans happy. He knew how many people shipped them, everybody knew that. But he as well as Alan knew that it was more. He could tell by the looks Alan was giving him, fixing on him all through the rest of the show. He could feel his gaze burning into the back of his head, but he didn’t dare look at him again. He was embarrassed. He had fucked up. Big time.

As soon as the bad went off stage, Alan snatched a hold on Austin’s wrist and pulled him into one of their changing rooms, locking the door behind them. “What the fuck, Aus?” he demanded to know.

Austin turned away from Alan and ran his hands over his face, through his hair, before letting his hands fall to his sides uselessly. “I’m sorry Alan”

“Just –“ Alan took a deep breath, and Austin could tell he was upset in some way. “Why?”

“Because … I don’t know you were there and then there was and – sorry” Austin didn’t know what to say. He felt so incredibly bad. He was pretty sure he’d fucked up now.

That was until he heard Alan chuckle and the small redhead slipped around him to be able to look into Austin’s face. Austin tried to look away, couldn’t stand looking at his best friend that he was so hopelessly falling for, but Alan caught Austin’s chin between his fingers and held him in place. “You know, you could’ve at least done it right. Here, like this”

And then Alan pressed their mouths together in a real kiss. It started out as a soft touch of lips, but when Austin started kissing him back after a second, Alan pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Austin’s shoulders to use them for balance as he stood on his toes. Austin of course couldn’t resist, slinging his arms around the other male, holding him as close as physically possible. His whole body ached for Alan’s touch right now, and his heart was threatening to jump out of his chest.

Yet, the kiss was over much too soon. After a couple of minutes, Alan pulled away, rocking back on his feet and grinning up at Austin mischievously. “There you go – next time, you better get it right!” And that was how he waltzed out of the room, leaving Austin staring after him wide-eyed and slack-jawed. That boy, he was a killer. And Austin was caught in his deadly game so deeply that he didn’t know how to get out again.

 

Austin couldn’t forget what having Alan pressed up against him felt like. He couldn’t forget the taste of him on his lips and the way their mouths always seemed to fit together so perfectly. What had been just friendly banter for Alan – and Austin, too, in the very beginning – had gotten out of hand, and he couldn’t stop it now. He was spiraling down, falling more and more for the amazing young man that was his best friend, and it was too late to fight it now.

He kept watching Alan, wanting to be close to him all the while. He knew he wasn’t allowed to do anything – especially not after Alan got a new girlfriend, some pretty petite brunette. Still, they were closer than ever before: they hung out basically whenever Alan wasn’t with her, and that was a lot since they were on tour right now. And Austin, being the destructive character he was, enjoyed it with everything he had. He loved it when Alan cuddled against him during movie nights or when they bantered on and off stage.

It was only a matter of time before the others picked up on it. Austin knew he wasn’t subtle most of the time, but Alan was oblivious to it anyways, so he didn’t care too much. Alan never noticed the obvious stuff. Tino noticed everything though, and he was the one to confront Austin.

“Austin, let’s have a talk” The drummer said one evening. The girlfriend was there, so Alan was busy. They were probably already fucking in the back lounge, while Phil, Tino, Aaron and Austin were sitting in the sun in front of the tour bus. It was already October and so they took every opportunity to chill in the sun – they were already missing the summer, or at least Austin was.

“What is it?” Austin asked, but he already knew without having to ask. Tino got up and walked away from the rest of the band, and Austin had no chance but to follow.

“What is going on between you and Alan?” Tino asked straight away. He wasn’t a fan of dancing around subjects. Still, Austin winced at his best mate’s bluntness.

“You remember that party a few months ago? The first after my surgery that I didn’t have to be careful and all?” Austin started. When Tino nodded, he continued, telling him everything, including that Alan didn’t remember and that he was head over heels by now because he couldn’t help it.

When Tino heard that, he chuckled. “Dude” he just said, shaking his head.

“I know right” Austin muttered. He felt like a teenager all over again, and he felt stupid like one again.

“No that’s not what I meant. Alan is crazy about you. He’s been ever since you met” Tino pointed out.

Austin shook his head. “He’s not. He’s got a girlfriend.”

Tino looked at the singer for a long time. “Believe what you want, Carlile, I know the truth. And I’m telling you, he’s totally into you. You should talk to him.”

“He doesn’t even remember” Austin said lowly, but Tino was already heading back to their band mates. There was not a chance in the world that Alan would feel the same about him. The only times they’d kissed, he’d either been drunk out of his head or just fooling around with him.

 

After that, the band seemed to do everything to somehow get Alan and Austin together. They were left alone together much more often, there were made even more puns about them having a relationship and all that. Austin and Alan both laughed it off, but Austin couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed about that. Alan and his girl were closer than ever, and Austin wanted to be happy for them – Alan was his best friend after all – but he couldn’t stand to see Alan happy with somebody else. It should be him.

Soon enough, Christmas rolled around. This time, he would spend it with his best friends – just the five of them at Phil’s house. There were no girlfriends and no family, even though it was a family holiday. They decided they wanted to have it this way because they had a break until February afterwards and wanted to spend more time with each other before not seeing each other all that much for almost two months afterwards.

Austin loved Christmas. He loved the feelings it portrayed, and the way it was celebrated. He loved the whole fairy lights and decorations and smells thing that filled every house. Hell, he even loved all these Christmas songs and the Christmas sweaters and the sappy cards everyone sent around. Most of all, he loved giving presents to the ones he cared about dearly. He loved wandering through the stores and trying to find the perfect thing for everyone. It was always hard, but it was a challenge he liked to fulfill.

However. They were at Phil’s house, and Phil was currently in the kitchen preparing the food. Austin stuck his head inside from the living room, feeling bad for just sitting around and not doing anything. “Are you sure you don’t need help?” he asked, once more.

Phil threw him a smile over his shoulder. “Yes, Austin, I _am_ sure. Go and entertain the boys, if anything, make sure they have enough to drink. That’s all I’m asking of you.”

“But you –“

“Austin” Phil interrupted him. “I got it”

Austin chuckled, patted Phil on the back, and left the room again. He was the best cook of them anyways – Austin would probably burn everything if he tried. He went back to the living room and just as he was about to enter the room, he crashed into another figure.

“Whoa oh my god, I’m sorry!” He grabbed the struggling body to keep them upright and only then noticed who it was – Alan. A smile crept onto his lips. They were pretty close, but he didn’t think he cared.

“Hi Aus” Alan grinned up at him, not making a move to bring any space between them.

“Ey yo guys!” Aaron exclaimed. “Mistletoooeeee!”

In that moment, Austin realized his mistake: he’d been the one putting the mistletoe up over the doorframe of the living room door. He stared at Alan wide-eyed, meeting the redhead’s just as startled eyes. He looked cute with his hair all messed up, wearing some stupid blue Christmas sweater with a reindeer on the front.

Austin cleared his throat. He could still somehow get out of this, he just had to find some excuse.

“Don’t forget to do it right” Alan murmured, a smug little smirk playing on his lips. Fucking tease! As it was, Austin couldn’t say no to Alan. And so he scooped down, his hands coming up to cup Alan’s face, and he kissed him. This kiss, it was different from the others. This time, Austin couldn’t help but make it gentle, a soft move of his lips, much too soft to be considered meaningless.

Alan, that stupid fucker, smiled into the kiss. His hands came to rest on Austin’s waist as he tilted his head, meeting Austin’s kisses fearlessly. This was getting out of control, but Austin didn’t want to stop. He liked the way they were kissing right then. He liked that it was gentle and somehow innocent, not as daring and deep as the ones before. It had his heart racing and his head spinning.

Still, he was the one breaking away first. He gave Alan a little smile, and there was no way he could hide the blush that was climbing up his neck up to his ears and then down to his cheeks. “Like that?”

“Like that” Alan agreed, grinning. “And now let me get some beer. You want another one, too?”

Austin nodded, and as soon as Alan was out of sight, he carded his fingers through his hair in a helpless gesture. This would be a long night. Over the room, he met Tino’s knowing eyes. The man’s look was shouting ‘I told you so’, but Austin knew he wasn’t right. Alan would kiss everyone like that, he knew it. He’d seen it often enough with meaningless strangers.

He was nothing special to Alan.

 

Austin decided he needed to get over Alan. It was no use anyways. Alan would never feel the same way, and Austin couldn’t take being toyed with any longer. He needed to get rid of these stupid feelings inside of him, not only for his sake, but for the band’s sake as well. What if Alan would find out that his best friend was in love with him? It would make things extremely awkward – it would destroy everything they had. And Austin needed the band; he wouldn’t stand it if he was the one to end them. It was his life, and it was more important than these stupid feelings he had.

He didn’t necessarily avoid Alan. He just went to visit his dad over new year’s and then busied himself with other stuff. Of course, during their break the two males met up one or the other time, and they skyped and texted almost every day. But Austin stayed away from Alan more than before. The redhead probably didn’t even notice – he spent his time with his girlfriend. And alone knowing that upset Austin so much; it made him so jealous he felt like throwing up. But at least he got to spend time with his dad. He only ever noticed how much he really missed him when he was home with him. He found comfort in being with him, and it helped him get a lot better, actually.

Before the break ended, Austin was almost sure that he had made it. The feelings he had for Alan didn’t seem all that big and overwhelming anymore, and he felt like he could finally breathe again when being around Alan. But then the break was over and they were together every day again, and he was proven wrong. Nothing had changed. He was just as head over heels as he’d been back in December, and it made him feel even worse. It would probably be better if he stayed away from Alan.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t not spend every free minute he could muster with the ginger. They were best friends, and seeing Alan happy like this, smiling at his words and laughing at his jokes and antics, it was something Austin needed to breathe. It kept him sane, and it kept him tied to the younger man. He was screwed big time, and he couldn’t even mind all that much as long as they were together.

Of Mice & Men were rehearsing for their upcoming tour, recording for their upcoming album, doing signings and interviews and photo shoots – the usual. Austin loved his job, he did. He loved it with all his heart. But it was exhausting. It was so goddamn exhausting. So of course, he was happy when he heard that they would have the weekend off after working their asses off all through February and March. He didn’t make any plans even though the Fuentes brothers were throwing another party and Bring Me The Horizon were in town and Oli had asked if they wanted to meet up. Austin simply wanted to sleep, chill on the couch, eat a lot of unhealthy things, and sleep more.

His plans were interrupted Saturday night when there was a phone call from Alan though.

“Austin”

Simply the way Alan said his name made Austin sit up straight on his couch, fully alert. “What’s up, Alan?” he asked, worried. His best friend sounded wrecked and weak, his voice rough and broken.

“She – she left, Austin. She said I –“ And then he choked off a sob.

Austin was up in an instant. “Are you at home?” Alan hummed in confirmation. “Give me fifteen, I’ll be there. I’m coming, Alan.”

There was no way in hell he would let down his best friend.

Austin wasn’t sure how he managed to drive over to Alan’s apartment in thirteen minutes only. It was probably because he went at least twenty over speed limit and crossed three red traffic lights. But honestly, it was almost midnight and nobody was driving anymore, so he could care less. He sped up the stairs to his best friend’s flat and punched the doorbell a bit too violently.

Alan opened the door after nine rapid heartbeats, and the moment he saw Austin standing there, he just crumbled. Austin caught the smaller man before he could hit the floor, picked him up and carried him into the living room. Alan clutched onto him tightly, his face pressed into Austin’s shirt, wetting it with his tears. His whole body was shaking from his violent sobs. Austin sat down on the couch, cradling Alan in his arms carefully, rocking him back and forth slightly. The woman had destroyed his best friend. He was worried and it pained him to see his best friend, but he was also goddamn angry at that bitch of a girl.

“She – she said we didn’t – we didn’t work, Aus” Alan sobbed. “She said she – she wasn’t the most – important person to me. I wouldn’t – love her the way – the way I should” Austin carded his fingers through the soft ginger hair soothingly.

“Shush baby” he murmured, only concentrated on getting the man in his arms to calm down. “She didn’t deserve you.” He wasn’t sure if Alan could even hear him.

“She said there was – somebody else – for me” Alan hiccupped miserably. “I would never –“

“I know” Austin said softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Alan”

After that, Alan only cried for another while. Their relationship had been getting more and more serious over the months, Austin knew that, and he had also known that the girl had meant hell of a lot for his best friend. He just wanted to punch the girl right now, really.

Eventually, Alan stopped crying. He still leaned on Austin heavily, his head resting on Austin’s shoulder, his fingers knotted in Austin’s shirt. Austin never stopped caressing his back, his arm, his hair, everything he could reach. He knew for a fact that Alan took great comfort from touches.

“It’s all my fault” he whispered brokenly. “I haven’t been enough for her, haven’t loved her enough. I will never be enough for anyone. How could I? I’m just a fucked-up kid, nothing more. I didn’t deserve her. She was always so good for me, and I left her over and over again. Of course she gets lonely when I’m out all the time. I should’ve spent more time with her, I should’ve –“

Austin couldn’t listen to it anymore. Alan was taking the blame? Alan was thinking nobody could love him? That was just insane. Alan was the best person he’d ever come to meet, and he didn’t deserve to feel this way. He didn’t deserve to be played with this badly. He shouldn’t take the blame for something that was anything but his fault. And so he interrupted him with the only thing his twisted mind could think about – with pressing their lips together.

He kissed Alan, desperately, lovingly. He just wanted to show him that he was loved, that he was worth it. Alan tasted like the alcohol he’d surely drunken after she left and before Austin came, though it was only a faint taste, not too prominent. The moment Austin did it, he regretted it already. He wasn’t supposed to do that. Alan was his best friend, nothing more. He was just going through a bad break up, and everything Austin could think about was kissing him. He broke away, ashamed, didn’t dare looking at Alan again. He couldn’t stand the disgusted, shocked look Alan was surely giving him.

“I’m sorry, I – I’m sorry” was all he said.

Alan just leaned against him again, not willing to fight with his best friend now. “It’s ok. Just – don’t leave, ok? Stay with me.”

Austin tightened his grip on Alan, feeling guilty and a lot like he was going to cry. Alan was tipsy and heartbroken, that was the only reason he was this laid back about it, for sure. “I’m not going anywhere” Austin whispered. He could feel his heart breaking in his chest. There were new tears seeping through his shirt, wetting his skin.

Eventually, Alan fell asleep in Austin’s arms. Austin could tell because his breaths finally evened out and the tension left his body, leaving him as a cuddly heap in Austin’s lap. Only when he was really sure that the ginger wouldn’t wake up again, he carefully picked him up again and carried him over to the bedroom. He stripped Alan off his shoes and jeans, tucked him in. This time, there were no fingers around his wrist holding him there. He looked down at Alan sadly, stroking a stray lock of red hair out of his forehead and kissing his cheek gently. “I love you” Austin breathed even though Alan couldn’t hear him. A decision had been made, and it broke his heart, but when he left Alan’s flat, he knew it would be the last time.

 

 

 

 

 

+1.

That was all Austin was surrounding himself with. He avoided all of his friends. It should be impossible now, because they were back on the road, but somehow the singer managed it. He didn’t talk to Phil, Tino or Aaron, and he ignored Alan altogether. He couldn’t deal with the shame eating him up. He’d used Alan, he’d done things he shouldn’t have, and he couldn’t stop it. The only way he could prevent further damage was to stay away from Alan. It killed him, he needed him, was so dependent on him, but there was no other chance. He had to get rid of these feelings first, only then he could be allowed close to the other male.

Of course, for the cameras, they still played it up. Austin smiled for the cameras and the interviewers, bantered with everyone on stage. He was there for his fans as he always was. But off stage, behind closed doors, Austin was just a broken shadow of who he’d been before. And no matter what his band mates tried, they couldn’t get to him. He made it all through their Europa tour and through Warped tour like this, and public didn’t really notice.

There were a few fans who picked up on it, saying Austin was looking more tired, he was losing weight, looking sad, but he explained it with the stress they were going through because their work on the new album. That was the best excuse he had, and funnily enough, they believed him. They didn’t know that he was all alone now, and only because he couldn’t let a stupid fucking kiss stay a stupid fucking kiss. He was so weak, such an idiot. And now he was affecting the whole band, something he hadn’t wanted to do.

It only got easier when they had two weeks off after Warped. He turned off his phone and left his laptop closed, just hiding in his flat. He got drunk a lot, actually, all on his own like the worthless bastard he was. The third day, he called his dad because apparently one of the guys had told him what was up with Austin, and Austin actually didn’t want to worry him. “I’m ok, dad” he said. “Just really stressed out and I need time for myself.”

“Don’t lie to me, son.” His dad replied, calmly. “Is it about a girl?”

“Kinda” Austin admitted after long seconds of silence. “Just – it’s not a girl, dad.”

He could hear his dad smile then, actually. “I always wondered when you’d find out. Let me guess – Alan?”

“The fuck, dad?” Austin was taken aback.

His dad chuckled. “It’s the way you talk about him. You look exactly like your mother when she looked at me, then.” And then Austin wondered: had he loved Alan all along? That was totally insane, ok?! But it wasn’t impossible. It would explain a lot, actually.

There was no use denying it anymore, and Austin sighed, slumping in his seat. “I screwed up, dad.” He admitted silently.

“Oh son” his dad sighed as well. “You want me to come visit you for a while?”

“No, I’ll manage. Just – thanks dad. I love you”

“I love you too, boy. Keep your head up. You’ll figure it out.”

And that was enough comfort for Austin to not drink himself into a stupor that night. Instead, he cried till he felt asleep. He missed his dad and he missed the band and most of all, he missed Alan. Why did he have to screw up?

 

It was Friday when Austin awoke to hammering on his door and somebody ringing the doorbell over and over again. Austin really wanted to ignore whoever was there. He hadn’t showered in a few days and was only wearing dirty sweatpants and a white shirt with holes in it. He looked like the mess he was inside, and he didn’t want anyone around right now. But it didn’t stop, even when he’d ignored it for almost five minutes, taking pain killers for his hangover and drinking a bottle of water.

“COME ON AUSTIN I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE, SO OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OR I’LL BREAK A GODDAMN WINDOW AND CLIMB IN!!”

Austin’s stupid heart started racing when he heard that damn voice. Of course it was still betraying him. He went closer to the door, but made no move to open it. “FUCK OFF” he yelled back.

“NO I WON’T!” Alan shouted. Then he seemed to realize that Austin was right there on the other side of the door and lowered his voice. “We need to talk, for god’s sake.” And then, barely audible, came that one word that made Austin break. “Please”

He couldn’t say no to Alan, it was his curse. Slowly, painfully slowly, he padded over to the door, barefoot, and unlocked it, opened it. Alan looked like shit. It was raining outside, and he was soaked to the bone. His shirt and jeans clung to his body awkwardly and his hair was sticking to his skin in all the wrong places. He had lost weight since Austin had last been brave enough to look at him properly and his skin was paler than Austin had ever seen it – except for the two angry red blotches on his cheeks indicating his anger.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing Carlile?!” Alan shoved Austin forcefully, both hands on Austin’s chest, and Austin stumbled back, dumbfounded. Alan threw the door shut. “You said you wouldn’t leave me! You said you would be there! YOU FUCKING PROMISED! And now? What is now, Austin? I fucking needed you, but you left me! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to think? You were everything I needed, and you left me like I don’t mean anything to you! Do I really matter this little to you, asshole? I was worried sick! Have you seen yourself lately? You look like a fucking ghost, and I couldn’t even do anything because you fucking ignored me!”

Alan shouted, angrily, shoving Austin back until they were in the living room. Austin had never seen Alan this upset. Of course, when the last girl had left him, all these months ago when their friendship had shattered, he had been heartbroken. But this, this was a totally different story. And it was all Austin’s fault. He was the cause of this.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, huh, Austin? Who do you think you are that you can play with my feelings like this? I fucking fell in love with you, and you left me standing there like I don’t mean anything! You went away without looking back – what the fuck am I supposed to think, huh? I’m nothing without you, don’t you see it? So tell me how the fuck do you dare? How the fuck do you _dare_ leaving me alone when all I want in my life is you?”

Austin stared. His mind couldn’t process what Alan was saying. Well, it did process it, but it didn’t believe it. Austin didn’t believe it. This had to be another one of his stupid nightmares. Alan would never– He could never– could he? Austin didn’t know how long he’d stood there, just staring, thinking. He didn’t know anything anymore. “Alan, I –“

“It’s because you don’t love me, isn’t it? You don’t love me and are disgusted by me because I was so stupid to fall for my best friend. I just – I’m sorry for doing so, alright? I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. I just thought there was something, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll just leave now, alright? I’ll give you what you want.”

Alan was almost at the door when Austin finally regained control of his body. “ALAN!” He ran after him, caught his wrist just before the younger male could open the door. “Don’t go”

“I can’t do this anymore, Austin.” Alan sounded broken now, just like he’d sounded when he’d called Austin the last time Austin had answered.

“Just–“ Austin cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for leaving you, ok? I didn’t want to. I love you, I love you so much, but you were with her, and then she broke up with you and I kissed you and you looked so shocked about it and I’m sorry. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose my best friend, and on the road I fucked everything up. I just couldn’t do it anymore. You didn’t love me back and I couldn’t stand it. I felt so bad for falling for you and –“

Alan kissed him then. He spun around and smashed their mouths together. It was forceful, angry, all clashing teeth and battling tongue. And Austin had missed this, had missed this so much, he gave in instantly. He pulled Alan in close, until their bodies were aligned and there was no air left between them.

“I’m such an idiot” Austin murmured between kisses. “I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry too” Alan answered, reattaching their lips. “I was stupid”

And then they just kissed. Kissed and kissed and kissed, their hands wandering, pulling on clothes and scratching whatever skin they could reach. They were idiots, big idiots. But now it would be ok, right? Now they had finally sorted it out. And Austin really didn’t want to think about anything else now – he just wanted to have Alan close in every possible way, show him how much he loved him.

Alan let his fingers wander beneath Austin’s shirt first, his fingers cold and wet from the rain he’d ran through. Austin shivered, but it was no unpleasant touch. He carded his fingers through Alan’s wet locks, tugging on it gently until Alan let out a soft moan. At that opportunity, Austin’s tongue slipped into Alan’s mouth. Finally, their tongues entangled again, starting a sinful dance of taking and giving, but never giving in.

Alan’s fingers travelled up Austin’s sides, pushing the shirt up with him, and Austin got the hint. He quickly stripped himself off his shirt and then started tugging at Alan’s jacket impatiently. “Off off off” he muttered, and it made Alan laugh.

“Only if you take me to the bedroom”

They stumbled over their feet then, somehow managing to get rid of Alan’s jacket and sweater and keeping up their kissing on the way to Austin’s bedroom. They fell on the mattress in a tangle of limbs, their hands wandering over heated exposed skin, their mouths meeting in battles of tongues and clashes of teeth. Austin wanted this, he wanted this so much. After all these months of waiting and dreaming and doubting it would ever happen, this was becoming real now. He pinned Alan to the bed, claiming him with his hands and his mouth, making him his. He would never get enough of this. His nostrils were filled with the smell of Alan and rain and he couldn’t taste anything but Alan on his tongue either. It was perfect.

Eventually, after long minutes of making out like shameless teenagers, Austin parted from Alan to get some air in his lungs. He lifted himself up a bit, just staring at Alan. His hair was a mess, his lips pink and shiny, bitten and swollen, his cheeks flushed delicately. He’d never seen anything this beautiful. “God I love you” Austin blurted out, unable to keep it inside anymore.

Alan’s lips curled into a small, private smile. “I love you too, Aus” he said back. Austin leaned back down at that, trailing a line of kisses over Alan’s jaw and then down his neck to his collar bone. Some were feather-light, others were wet and then there were those who were harsh and biting, leaving marks over the delicate line of his exposed neck. The last kind made Alan squirm beneath him and let out those small, delicious noises of pleasure.

“Austin” Alan breathed, his fingers digging into Austin’s back. “I want you to fuck me”

Austin stopped then, looking into Alan’s oh-so-familiar brown eyes once more. He hesitated for a second – he’d never had sex with a man before. He’d dreamed about it, for sure, a lot of times during the past months actually. But he had no experience, this was all new territory to him and he didn’t want to do anything wrong. When he looked at his best friend though, he was met with eyes that were bright with love and trust and a small smile that danced around these sinful lips gingerly. And just like that, he was sure. And even if he wasn’t – he couldn’t say no to Alan.

“Ok” Austin answered finally, his voice sounding even rougher than usual, breathless. His heart was thumping away harshly in his chest. “Ok” And he scooped down to kiss Alan once more. They got lost in it, taking their time. They couldn’t hide the erections in their pants though, and eventually Alan got impatient. His fingers, long and strong from years of playing the guitar, cupped Austin’s ass and pushed him down, closer, rolling his hips up in the same second and grinding their groins together.

Austin moaned, his own hips stuttering into the motion, searching more friction. He didn’t want to take his time anymore then, and he started kissing down Alan’s neck again, leaving a dark lovebite on the sharp angle of his collar bone before letting his lips travel further downwards. He let them ghost over nipples while his hands held Alan’s waist still, kissing and licking the sensitive nubs until they were hard and swollen. Alan’s fingers were tangled in his hair, tugging on it so hard it bordered on painful but only turned him on more. He liked to hear all the noises he could draw from Alan only with treating his nipples like that and he wanted to know what else he could make the ginger do.

That wondering let his head dip further downward, following the dip of Alan’s stomach to his belly button, leaving another mark just beneath it. His hands travelled lower now, too, starting to tug on the waistband of Alan’s jeans. They were really tight though, and finally he had to admit defeat. Austin detached his mouth from Alan’s skin and instead concentrated on opening Alan’s jeans and pulling them down his skinny legs. The boxers he pulled right back off with them, leaving Alan completely naked beneath his gaze.

Austin had seen Alan before, countless times actually. They were best friends and they were in a band – there were no boundaries when it came to nakedness. But this was different. For one, Alan was completely hard, his swollen member laying heavily on his stomach. Second, they were about to have sex. Austin was the cause of that boner. It was a beautiful sight.

“You’re so gorgeous” Austin let out, his fingers tracing Alan’s thighs. The smaller male blushed beneath Austin’s gaze and his compliment and he started squirming. Austin decided that after tonight, he would make Alan get accustomed to get compliments so he would start feeling completely comfortable in his skin. But right now, he had other aims. His fingers travelled up Alan’s thighs to his hips, and then followed the curve of his hipbones down to his groin. Only a second of hesitation, and Austin wrapped his hand around Alan’s dick.

“Fuck” Alan moaned, throwing his head back, his hips bucking up into Austin’s fist. It felt foreign, somehow weird, to have a penis in his hand that wasn’t his own, but Austin could easily get used to this. He stroked it experimentally, slowly, his fingers loose around it, all the while watching intently. It was a pretty sight, and he couldn’t help but licking his lips and boring his teeth into it. He couldn’t wait to taste Alan like that.

“If you keep that up, I’ll fucking come” Alan warned him. “You promised you’d fuck me.”

“Yeah right, sorry” Austin smiled at Alan. He leaned up to press a surprisingly chaste kiss to Alan’s lips, and then he crawled over to his bedside table, getting out his bottle of lube and a condom. When he got back to Alan, settled between his spread legs again, the nervousness overcame him again. Actually, he didn’t have all too much knowledge about what he should be doing there. He’d watched some pornos, but he didn’t know if that information was actually reliable.

Alan seemed to sense his discomfort. “How about you get rid of these stupid pants first, huh?” he suggested softly, and Austin complied instantly. He stripped of the sweatpants, throwing them off the bed like he’d done with Alan’s jeans just minutes before. He could feel Alan’s gaze on him and blushed beneath him. He’d never been all too fond of his skinny, awkwardly shaped body. He distracted himself with opening the lube and pouring some of the sticky cold liquid on his fingers, coating them thoroughly.

“Should I maybe, you know, turn around?” Alan asked when Austin scooted closer.

But the singer shook his head. “I want to see you” he admitted, smiling slightly. Alan smiled back and opened his legs further. Austin’s hand that wasn’t slick with lube ghosted over Alan’s thigh and hips distractingly while the other one slowly made its way to Alan’s hole. It somehow felt weird, but Austin was also filled with excitement and determination. He wanted to do this, and he wanted to do it good. Also, knowing that he was the first one to do this to Alan was kind of awesome.

First, he only circled Alan’s hole with his index finger. He could feel it tensing when he pressed onto it though and so didn’t enter him. “Relax babe” Austin murmured, pressing a series of kisses to Alan’s inner thighs until he felt the ring of muscle relax beneath his fingertip so he could push it in slowly. Alan let out the lowest whimper when Austin had pressed in the first inch or so of his finger. Alan was really tight and really hot, and Austin wondered how the fuck he should ever fit his dick in there without hurting Alan.

The redhead tensed up again and Austin stopped again, leaving his finger where it was. This time, he bent forward to kiss Alan’s hipbones, nibbling on them and leaving the tiniest mark. It had the wanted effect on the young man, making his muscles relax enough for Austin to slip his long, slender finger in completely. “Is this ok?” Austin finally asked, looking up at the man he loved so much.

Alan nodded. “Done this a couple times before to myself. Just take it slow, yeah?”

“Ok darling. Tell me when I should stop.” Austin smiled slightly. Then he started moving his finger. Just little shallow thrusts, in and out, careful not to hurt Alan. At first, Alan tensed up beneath the movement, but Austin didn’t stop and soon enough Alan relaxed, starting to let out little pants and gasps until his hips started moving in time with Austin’s movements.

At that, Austin slid in a second finger, slowly, carefully. Alan let out a low groan that was definitely somehow painful, and his long fingers grabbed the sheets tightly, twisting them, tearing on them. But he didn’t tell Austin to stop, and so he left the fingers in, just resting inside of Alan. And honestly, it was hell of a sight. Alan had let his guard down completely and Austin had complete control over his body as it seemed. He laid there, naked and flushed, his body covered in lovebites, his muscles tensing, jerking. He was completely disheveled already, and Austin loved the sight of him like that.

At that, Austin started moving his fingers ever so slightly. This time, he crooked them first, looking for that spot inside of Alan that would make the other male see stars. He didn’t find it right away and tried other things then. He started moving his fingers in and out again, scissoring or crooking them every now and then. Soon enough, Alan relaxed again, starting to moan along, his hips rolling into Austin’s touch again. They quickly built a rhythm like this, and this time it didn’t falter when Austin slipped in a third finger. Alan only moaned louder, his hips snapping up harshly. Austin smiled at that: it was a pretty sight to see the redhead fall apart like that.

He crooked his fingers again, at a different angle, and this time it seemed like he scored, because Alan let out a string of curses, his back arching off the mattress. “Fucking shit Austin what the hell _do that again_!” he whined. Austin complied, a smug grin plastering over his features. This Alan was even more perfect than he’d imagined. He moved his fingers in and out now quickly and forcefully, making sure to at least brush Alan’s prostate every other thrust, just to hear him moan and whimper.

“Oh god Austin, just – I need you now, I’m fucking ready, don’t wait any longer”

And Austin couldn’t say no. He pulled his fingers out – Alan groaning in protest – and tore open the condom package. When he slid it over his throbbing boner, he let out a low moan. He’d neglected himself too long and was yearning for any kind of touch and friction. But he didn’t want to come like that, he wanted to come inside of Alan. And so he hurried to slick his dick and align it with Alan’s hole.

One of his hands stayed on his dick, ready to guide it in, the other one rested on Alan’s hip to steady him. He looked into those eyes he loved so much and smiled at him. “I love you” He said again, because he couldn’t quite say it often enough.

Alan smiled back at him, leaning up to catch his lips in a kiss. “I love you too. And now hurry, I wanna feel you”

Austin did just that, pressing into Alan slowly. He couldn’t take his eyes off him all the while. When his tip slipped past the tight ring of muscle, Alan screwed his face up in a painful expression, and Austin doubted that he had loosened him up enough. Still, he kept going, slowly, and after another inch, Alan grabbed a hold of Austin’s shoulders, his nails digging into Austin’s flesh painfully.

“Don’t stop” Alan breathed out though, and Austin didn’t do so until he was buried inside of Alan completely. It felt just the faintest bit strange. Alan was really hot around him, and his walls were wound tightly around his penis, but that wasn’t a bad thing. Actually Austin was pretty sure he would’ve come like an inexperienced teenager if he didn’t have at least some self-control and pride.

Once he was completely in, he leaned down to pepper Alan’s flushed grimacing face with kisses. He whispered sweet nothings into Alan’s skin until the younger relaxed, his fingers instead sliding into Austin’s hair. Alan guided Austin’s lips to his own and they kissed for a while, both getting used to the foreign feeling of gay sex. Eventually, Alan moved his hips carefully, and obviously didn’t think it hurt too much anymore.

“You can move now” Alan whispered from where he was sucking a bruise into Austin’s neck. Austin nodded gingerly and then started to pull his hips back, slowly, only to sink in just as slow. It started off with slow, shallow thrusts again, nothing much. Austin didn’t want to hurt Alan anymore. He cradled him in his arms gently, holding him close. Alan’s arms stayed wrapped around him tightly as well, not letting him up so Austin could change the angle, maybe put a bit more force into his thrusts.

Their mouths met in kisses, even though the longer they proceeded, the more it was just panting into each other’s mouths, their tongues sometimes slipping together clumsily. As it went on, Austin somehow deepened his thrusts and angled them so the tip of his cock was brushing up against Alan’s prostate, making him squirm and moan in his arms. Austin was overwhelmed by everything that was Alan, and nothing else mattered to him in this moment. He was making love to Alan, and he loved every second of it. He felt so perfect around his dick, in his arms.

“I’m close” Alan gasped, much too soon. But Austin knew it – he was close, too, could already feel his guts tightening and the heat pooling in his stomach. He sped up his thrusts just a little bit and somehow managed to snake a hand of his between their bodies to wrap it around Alan and jerk him off clumsily. Then, it didn’t take long for Alan to come with a broken moan of “Austin” between their bodies, his cum coating both his and Austin’s chest.

When he climaxed, his hole clenched around Austin even more, and that in combination with the sounds Alan was making made him follow suit, shooting his load in the condom, his dick buried deep inside of Alan. His vision whitened out and his whole body shook with the force of the orgasm. Honestly, it was the best he’d ever experienced, and the hardest he’d ever come, and he’d had some awesome sex in the past.

Austin was pretty sure he’d actually blacked out a second when he came. When he came to his senses again, he was collapsed on top of Alan. They were both sweaty and sticky, panting heavily. Austin pulled out slowly, and Alan let out a whine when Austin’s softening member slipped from his hole. Austin got rid of the condom, tied it and somehow managed to even throw it directly inside his bin. Then, he laid back down and pulled a soft, exhausted Alan into his arms, throwing the covers over them haphazardly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier” Austin murmured, pressing his face into Alan’s hair that was wetter from sweat now than from the rain.

Alan turned his head until he could press a kiss to Austin’s chest, over his scar where he could feel Austin’s heart beating beneath his lips. “It’ ok, we’ve both been idiots. But we’re ok now, right?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Austin wondered, even though it really wasn’t a question anymore.

“Of course” Alan replied, and it would’ve probably been sharp if he hadn’t been fucked boneless for the past hour.

Austin smiled as bright as he could muster in the state he was in and tightened his hold on the ginger. “Then we’re ok” And they fell asleep just like that, tired and sticky, the smell of sex heavy in the room. They were more than ok now – they were perfect.


End file.
